God In Watercolor
July 19, 2012 § Leave a comment
this week’s post was written by a dear friend, brother, and musician of Real Life Fellowship. Please listen carefully. Please engage his poetry. Please receive the overflow of his love for Christ. -Chelsea
God in Watercolor
Half-baked evangelist, brain damp
with beer, plod home, pour out questions
onto crowded bedroom floor (1). I do not
spread the word with measured strokes,
but smear with my fingers, a child
painting his father. Dying people
don’t buy fridge art (2).
3. A repellent, a locked gate.
You called me Bible Thumper3.
Not a compliment. I was soaked in
God, you would not touch me, for fear
of wet clothes. 1. ‘When will I bring
someone to You?’
2. You are a toddler artist, or a wrinkled
body, attic brimming with beautiful,
I have never caused anybody to accept Christ as their savior. I have had many conversations with my non-Christian friends about God and faith. Conversations where God has moved through me in powerful ways. Yet, not one time has anyone heard my words and said, “I want that.” When we are done speaking, the walls go back up, and they resume life as normal. I feel like a man with a bookshelf filled with stories I never finished reading, books I never finished reading. I am beginning to realize that this is nothing to be ashamed of.
In the church I grew up in, we were taught that Christianity was akin to politics, in that Christians should try to recruit as many people to the cause as possible, and do as many good deeds as possible, so that when they got to Heaven, they’d have more crowns to cast at Jesus’s feet. This is a destructive way of thinking. What if one is like me, a deeply sinful person with no points in his “Persons Saved” tally? Am I somehow less of a Christian because those I witness to remain unconvinced? Although my family has been gone from that sect of Christianity for quite some time, it is difficult to shake the teachings one received at an early age. My witnessing has always had a tinge of desperation, because I have wanted to be the reason they come to Christ.
As much as I want to see my friends know the peace and joy of Christ, it is out of my control, and this feeling of inadequacy is not from God. 1 John 17-18 says, “This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” Jesus had no fear over how many people he was bringing to his grassroots faith movement. He showed perfect love, and proclaimed God’s teaching, and allowed the Holy Spirit to do the work of saving.
We, as Christians, ought to eagerly seek opportunities to tell the Good News, but our reasons should be closely examined. Our witness must be an overflow, a spilling out due to our inability to hold in our love for Christ, and our joy in living out His will.